Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Worth It

 I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately. I’ve been blaming it on the weather, but I really think it’s something more. 

I’ve been feeling tired, unmotivated, exhausted. I’m getting to the point where I just want to shut myself in my apartment for a week and just sleep. Ok, maybe not a week, but a few days.

I think it’s mostly been because my schedule is out of whack. It’s not the same every day, and it’s been messing me up. These 6 am-5:30pm work days with two hours of school are really dragging me down. The going home and being too tired to cook or clean is driving me insane. Feeling too tired to do much other than sit on the couch is really a drag. 

The crazy part is, I could so easily give up. I could say, nope, this is too hard, I can’t do this. I can’t make this huge change in my life and I should just stick to where I’m at.

But those words aren’t even part of my vocabulary. I see the end of the road I’m taking, and it just makes me want to push through even harder. The fact that I’m exhausted now doesn’t matter. The fact that all I have time for is working, studying and sleeping doesn’t matter. What matters is that I see the place I want to be, and I am not going to let anything sway me. 

I have never felt so motivated to do anything in my life. I have never felt like I was on the right path for me before, and it feels so good that I am. I used to be ok that I was just average, now I want to be the best. I have to be the best to do what I want to do. There is no other option. 

Well, there is another option, but I don’t want it. It is so not for me. So, I’m going to push forward and continue being tired and exhausted because in the end, it will be worth it. So worth it.

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