Too Analytical

As I was surfing Facebook the other day, I came across a gal who I used to know back in elementary school and was good friends with her sister. Of course, over time, we have all drifted very far apart, but what struck me was the photographs of her paintings.

They were absolutely amazing, yet they had no structure to them, no distinct image. These paintings were able to form so much emotion inside me, yet they didn't have a particular image, like a lot of paintings do.

I never used to be able to understand why someone would paint or draw something that didn't imitate life, but as I grow older, it's becoming more clear to me that art doesn't need to look exactly as it does in life.

I have a very analytical mind, and it shows in any photos I've taken or any pictures I've tried to paint. I get frustrated when what I'm "creating" doesn't exactly mimic what I saw in real life. It's slowly sinking in that I can create it and make it look however I want. That's the beauty of art. But it's also my downfall.

In order to feel satisfied, I need to try every variation of everything possible to see which I like best. It's just how my brain works. To give me the freedom to make whatever I choose would cause my brain to freeze or explode. That's just too many options. I need guidelines.

And I find those guidelines in life. An apple is supposed to look like an apple, in my brain. But when creating art, an apple can look like whatever you want it to look like. That creates too many permutations, and I can't handle that.

I find I get so frustrated when I try to draw that apple and it doesn't look right. Maybe I should give up trying to make the apple look life like and focus on what I feel it should be like. Maybe instead of a round shape, it's more of a blur.

So my new goal for winter break is the break out my old painting supplies and just paint whatever I feel. It doens't have to resemble anything, it can just be whatever.

I'm just hoping it doesn't cause my brain to explode!