Emotional Intelligence

I was surfing the net the other day and came across a book titled, "Emotional Intelligence for Dummies." This intrigued me for some reason, partially because I had no idea what emotional intelligence was. I decided to check out the book and see what it was all about. I started to read the introduction, and the more I read, the more I realized how much I needed to find this book right now.

I have come to realize that I am not in tune with my thoughts, feelings or emotions. I am distant most of the time and I do not live in the present. Sometimes, I have reacted the completely wrong way to a situation. Other times, I just plain feel dead inside. This book supposedly helps you become more aware of your emotions and how to deal with them, which is something I desperately need.

There are some exercises that you are supposed to do while going through the book. I'm trying to read a chapter a day (although tonight I read 3!), and I need somewhere to write down my answers to the activities. Since I'm so much faster at getting my thoughts out when I type, I thought, hey, why not put it in my blog? So over the next few weeks, I will be unleashing my thoughts and feelings and try to become more in tune with my emotions, and I will let you know how the book helped me (or didn't help me).

Exercise 1: Record your responses to these items:

-I'm usually aware of how I'm feeling emotionally.  

No, hardly ever.

-I find it easy to express my feelings and beliefs to others.  

No, it's pretty much impossible for me to do so.

-I really know what I'm good at and where I lack skills.  

Mostly. I know some skills I'm good at, but I don't know where I lack skills.

-I know exactly where I'm going in life.

I thought I knew, but right now I have no idea.

-I depend on others when making important decisions.  

Yes, I definitely do. 
 
-People feel I really listen to them.

No, they feel as though I'm off in my own world and I'm not really paying attention to them. 

-I have many friends and acquaintances.  

Yes.

-I spend a lot of time doing things to help others.

No, I wish I did though.

-I'm good at solving people's problems.  

No, I'm hardly adept at solving my own problems. I do try though. 

-I find it easy to change tasks.

Sometimes. Most of the time I switch from task to task before fully finishing the first one.

-I live in the real world and tend not to daydream.  

No, I daydream a lot. Too much. It was more of a safety net for me growing up. I would always think about what could happen and how I would react so that way when things happened, I wouldn't be caught off guard. Now it just causes me more heartache than it's worth. 

-I get through stressful situations without a lot of anxiety.  

No, I freak out and cannot stay calm.

-I'm thoughtful and I carefully plan my reaction to things.  

I'm thoughtful, yes, but I do not carefully plan my reactions.

-I tend to look at the bright side of things.  

I can when I'm in a good mood, but I've noticed that if I'm physically sick or in pain, my mood worsens and I become unhappy and negative.

-I'm usually happy.  

Yes, but again, if I'm physically hurting, then my emotions suffer also.

As you can see, I've answered no to most of these statements, which means I'm emotionally unintelligent, as I had figured. Boy, this hurts to realize that. I kind of always thought that I at least was somewhat in step with my emotions, but I'm really not. And it's hard to think that. It's hard to see that. It's almost like a slap in the face, saying, Wake up, Rachel! Step out of this fog that you are in and live in the real world.